GOP Politicians: Your Five Point Plan to Surviving Trump

Republicans begin the scramble to distance themselves from the sinking failboat that is Donald Trump.

I’ve long said that GOP politicians will stand by Trump, no matter how criminal, dangerous, or simply bizarre his behavior is, until the exact second he becomes a political liability. Well, we’re two weeks away from the election, and Republican after Republican — especially Congressional Republicans in tight races — have been tentatively testing the waters of dissent with a few mild, safe criticisms for weeks. Now they’re either arranging for their “private dissent” to be leaked or are publicly stating that they were secretly “concerned” all along as they begin the scramble to distance themselves from the sinking failboat that is Donald Trump. Some examples:

Even die-hard loyalists like Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham are publicly discussing the possibility of losing the White House to Democrats. Both Cruz and Graham vociferously opposed Trump in 2016, then made abrupt reversals as soon as he won. Reversals they have both lived to regret — Cruz nearly lost his seat to charismatic upstart Beto O’Rourke in 2018 and Graham is in real danger of losing his to brilliant, heartfelt Jaime Harrison.

And I haven’t even begun talking about Mitt Romney.

In the interest of selfless service like a good Camp Fire Girl (Ret.-CA), I’ve compiled the Five Point Plan for Republicans Looking to Survive Trump. I predict GOP lawmakers will roll out one or more of the following over the next few weeks. Some will roll out all of them for different audiences.

  1. “I’m a new man”: Admit you were wrong and choose a moment when you realized that your best intentions for America and loyalty to the Republican party had led you to support a man who was Bad for America. But at the time, you trusted! You believed! You had misgivings but set them aside because America! And then you met Mrs. Fictional Blackwoman, whose personal story made the scales fall from your eyes, and you realized that you were wrong all along. Then sell the whole thing as a book: American Greatness: The Day I Heroically Believed a Black Woman.

The next days and weeks will reveal which Republicans choose which of these to deploy, but the rats are indeed leaving the sinking ship, with apologies to Dan Rather. Whatever the outcome of the election due to the antiquated foolishness of the electoral college, Trump’s popularity is sinking like a rock, and the Republican party may never fully recover.

PhD, D&D DM, Disabled Cyborg, lifelong educator & theatremaker now working as a JEDI consultant (justice, equity, diversity, and inclusion).

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